vote on my future

i have spent the last four months trying to decide what i should do with myself. to be more specific what i should do with myself in the fall, over the next year, and in fact, over the next several years. i am still no closer to a decision then when i started. once again i am seized with indecision. i figured i would solicit some advice from you, my friends. let me know what you think and i will post the results.

1. i could stay in istanbul and teach for another year.
+ decent job; living overseas; good food; pushing myself
- cold, grey winter; city; may be a bit lonely

2. i could go back to the states and work for a couple of months, kill an elk, and then come back to turkey to teach
+ go back and make a load of money fighting fires/lawn care; see my friends, family, and new nephew; get drunk for a month on the mountain and kill a large, helpless animal
- i may not want to come back; doing something i have already done; spending the money i earn on plane tickets and booze

3. i could move to another country and teach english.
+ thailand is a very real possibility; a warm winter; a new country
- could be a worse job waiting for me; not much money for the move; new language; same problems in a different place

4. i could move back to the states and work, make money, and really travel
+ traveling rather than working overseas; more movement in the end
- not pushing myself in the same ways; more pleasure than development

5. i could apply for graduate school
+ its what i want to do at the end of the day
- a load of money and the next 7 years; wont be able to pack up and travel

a new level of poverty

i hate cats. not only have i been reduced to living in complete and utter squalor, but i have to do it with a cat. i suppose i dont have anything against cats in general, just this one specifically. not only is it in heat a majority of the time, but it is now carrying fleas. it's bad enough listening to its constant moans for sex (i suppose we could get her knocked up and add to the already out of control feral cat population). but now i have to spend an exorbitant amount of time meticulously cleaning my room to prevent those little bastards from feasting on me while i sleep. i know it is not the cats fault, it has more to do with its negligent kiwi owner. nonetheless, am i a bad person for wanting to throw it off the balcony?

confessions of a flip-flopper

my name is adam morrison and i am a flip-flopper. i feel like i am constantly swinging between two extremes: feeling comfortable and at home here (as in my last post) and feeling completely lost and lonely. a bit of a nostalgic moment last night. getting drunk on the balcony by myself. longing for a dip of skoal, a campfire, miller high life, and my friends. thinking of hunting camp while i listened to chris ledoux. i am sitting here wondering how to balance my desire to make a home for myself in wyoming and my insatiable compulsion to move and push myself into unknown spaces. how do i live two lives that are pulling me in opposite directions?

feeling at home

as most of you know seth just spent some time with me here in istanbul (see his blog link on the right). it was great to have some familiar company and in the end it showed me how ingrained i have become in this place. i have managed to carve out a comfortable space, i might even go as far as to call it a life. i know my way around at least half of the city. i am a regular at the cafe and the bar. i know enough turkish to get me by. i know where to go to hide and where to go to be seen. i have established a social network. i am happy here. these were things i hadnt really taken stock of until seth showed up. it feels good to be here (although it is till too chaotic, too dirty, and too city). i wonder how difficult it will be to leave this country? it certainly wont be on par with thailand, but i will miss this place.

rehashing a previous post

i would like to briefly expand on some of the comments i made in my 'paralysis' post. i have spent the last week enjoying the space i have created for myself here. wandering the city on my own and passing afternoons, in between classes, at my now regular cafe (i cant remember the turkish name but the closest english equivalent is 'lazy soul cafe'). after a bit more time in this city and lifestyle i have realized that inactivity (although not really inactivity) is kind of the point. life here largely consists of cafes, tea, backgammon, cigarettes, conversation, and friends. city life isn't necessarily stagnant, it is just different. i have traded the woods for cafes, which is what has taken the most adjustment to. i still occasionally feel paralyzed in terms of my ability to push myself to grow, but even that is falling away. and i am learning to live with my feelings of discontent (i think lara really nailed it in her comment when she said, "I believe people who have accomplished more or are accomplishing more are the ones who are constantly in need of doing more."). having seth here certainly reenergized me and he helped me to take a critical look at my goals and how i was going about accomplishing them. i feel rejuvenated.

attempting a blogging shift

as i feared, the blog as fallen by the wayside. too much pressure to say something meaningful and to say it eloquently. i talked with seth about the finer points of blogging and i am going to try to change the format and the posts a bit. i hope that i will be able to keep this style of blog going a bit longer than the previous one. i also hope you will keep reading it. notice that i updated the links under "blogosphere". there are two links to two great people taking incredible trips. seth is on his way around the world for the next 13 months. he has some great posts on his time with me in istanbul. joe and haley just finished up an overland trip through central and south america. the final link is to a "book club" of sorts. check them out and give me some feedback if you are so inclined.